I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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