it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize