Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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