At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize