I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize