There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
