He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
