Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
