I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
