Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
