oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
