nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Damn victory sex feels great
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
