probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
