I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
should my penis look like a turkey
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
