i jhust puked up my retainher.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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