here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
