I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
