I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
