we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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