am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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