Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm always down for nudity.
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