she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
