I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
