I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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