well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
