the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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