You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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