Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
