It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
