i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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