i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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