; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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