just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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