never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
