You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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