remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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