You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
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