She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I need water and some morals
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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