Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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