making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
