just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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