I am puke
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
