Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
