tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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