I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
