Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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