Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
