I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
