these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My hand turned me down
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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