So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
