Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
