btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i've created a new STD.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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