i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
