textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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