Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
