I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
There's always time for handjobs
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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