Can Purell be used as lube?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
