I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize