I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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