Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
