Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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