I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
