my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
