Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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