i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
