You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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