wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
