He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
