Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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