so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
