just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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